Salt Air

Driving down PCH,

Breathing in the salt air,

My windows down and music up,

Deminishing my worries and cares

My mind goes back to college,

Nearly ten years ago,

I think of all that has happen since,

As I drive down the same road.

Like the highway,

There were hills and dips,

Good and bad times,

And I learned so much from it

On my drive I reach,

An elongated straight path,

I have not driven this far before,

I paused then step on the gas

Bring on the new adventure,

Be it mountain or valley,

This life long drive is so cherished,

It is the life of yours truly  

Presidents Day

I was talking with a co-worker (who lives in a different country) last week and explained that I would be off work for our Presidents Day holiday. She asked about it and what we did to celebrate (if there was a parade, if we eat a special meal) and I said "its really just a day off to celebrate many former President's Birthdays, as many were born in February." 

I guess it sometimes takes someone outside a situation to make you dwell in things... and it just so happens I finished a great book about some Presidents who dealt with mental illness, but I realized I don't give much thought on this holiday to the leaders who made this country what it is today. 

Though there were some horrible things that happened under some of their leadership, there were also some amazing things that happened too. America has been far from a perfect country, but there are a few principles that make me proud to be an American: that all should have access to freedom and liberty namely. 

So I thank the men (and future women) who have & will continue to make this possible. Though we are far from perfect, I am so grateful to be an American and for those who have upheld these values over the years. 

The Few Who Ruin The Blue

The few who ruin the Blue,

Seem more prevalent lately, 

Getting away with horrific crimes, 

Injustice shown blatantly. 

How on earth can it be?

In the year 2014,

A raped teen exhiled from her town,

A homeless man dying of a ruptured spleen? 

All at the hands,

Of those sworn to protect and serve,

And when their day in court comes,

They escape the punishment they deserve. 

I know they represent,

A small fraction of the Force,

But it's hard to swallow, 

As it is part of my history's course.

When I was 11 years old,

On my way to school,

I saw my best friend on a gurney,

Hit by a man who wore blue.

This off duty policeman,

Was driving while drunk,

But he never saw justice,

His case hidden in a county trunk 

Or my friend in college,

Who had an ebony skintone, 

And couldn't drive off campus at night, 

The cops would harass and not leave him alone.

Or when my husband was pulled over,

And he was asked if he had ammunition, 

Nothing he did deserved that first question, 

His ethnicity was what caused the suspicion.

Or when we were stopped in the Midwest,

The officer infered prostitutes were what we are, 

For driving with my husband, a brown man, 

Who without cause was held in his cop car.

And all of these cases,

Which made my blood boil,

Fail to compare,

To the brutality which makes me coil.

How can those who used a taser,

On a man who was hog tied,

Escape all charges? 

Even though they are the reason a man died? 

I have to remind myself,

That most are not this evil,

Many have good intentions,

And are honest and real.

But to the good ones,

I make this small plea,

Don't turn a blind eye to injustice,

Don't use your union to set them free.

See in the history of Orange County,

A cop has never been found guilty,

Of any charges of murder,

And that can't be coincidently.  

Don't bail out the guilty,

A blind band of brothers won't do, 

Please stand for what is right,

And don't be part of the few who ruin the Blue.

 

Is Intercultural Competence Privilege As Problematic As White Privilege?

Now this article might sound strange coming from a white girl, so let me explain my background a bit: 

I grew up in Hawaii and loved growing up in such a diverse environment. Every May we would highlight our diversity through our May Day celebration, featuring songs and dance from each culture. We learned to value and respect the many different cultures that make up Hawaii. 

However, on a couple occasions, I experienced something that most Caucasians do not- I was picked on because I was white. For example, I had gum spit in my hair and was pushed against a wall while a girl yelled "f-ing Haole" (a derogatory term for white people) when I was in Junior High. 

In spite of the hurt that comes with being picked on because of your ethnicity (none of the people who picked on me knew me- they just knew I was white), I also had a good understanding as to why there was hostility towards white people by some locals. Missionaries taking over their beautiful land and culture, real estate investors building monstrosities of hotels on the beautiful and serene beaches and the loss of native land to name a few. 

I knew all of this because I had the privilege of growing up in Hawaii and knew how to interact with a diverse group of people as a result. The negative incidents were few and far between, partly because I knew the situation (and got along with all the other non-Caucasians who knew me) and partly because there are only a small number of hostile people. A white kid who had just moved from the mainland would usually be picked on a lot more than a white kid who lived there their whole life. 

In addition to this, I saw the racial caste system in Hawaii. Tongans and Filipinos were often made fun of or treated as less than by other racial groups. Those who had more Hawaiian blood were on the top of the system (and often made it known by writing "100% Hawaiian" on their backpacks and folders). 

I grew up with 4 of my teachers being Japanese, and as a result, I learned a lot more about the horrific treatment of that culture during WWII than a lot of my friends who didn't grow up in Hawaii. 

It is partially because of this, that I realized some minorities have less of a platform than others and some of our horrific incidents in history as a nation have been essentially brushed under a rug. 

I loved my upbringing. I would never change where I grew up. Hawaii is a beautiful place, and 90% of the time is a benchmark for diversity and other cultures coming together to form a wonderful culture of their own. Living there has caused me to constantly desire and appreciate a diverse environment. But it's wrong to say everything is perfect... If we deny that, we can never move forward in terms of race relations. 

As a result of my upbringing, I have a very diverse group of friends, from all different ethnicities, cultures and backgrounds. My husband is Hispanic (which really confuses people when they see my last name and then meet me). Throughout our relationship I have seen my husband encounter a lot because of his race... Things I would have never imagined possible in this day and age. As an interracial couple we have experienced a handful of racist incidents too- cops harassing us, a restaurant in southern Missouri refusing to serve us and people giving us dirty looks.

I present my background merely as a foundation- I am not a white girl who feels like she can talk about different races because "my best friend is black" (though incidentally one if my best friends is). I am a white girl who has experienced a lot when it comes to diversity and race relations. And I am thankful for that, as I know it is a privilege.  However, I also acknowledge I will never fully understand the life of a black man who has been beaten because of his skin color, the life of a homosexual who has been sexually harassed by bullies or what it is like to be an undocumented immigrant who is constantly harassed by ICE. We each have different experiences and our different experiences shouldn't be used as a way to compete with one another as to "who has it worse." Rather these experiences should be used to learn from one another and grow as people. 

Though some of us have experienced varying degrees of racism and hurt, those of us who come from diverse backgrounds have the privilege of having a good foundational understanding of diversity. 

So here are 5 things that those of us with intercultural competence must note:

1. Intercultural competence is a privilege 

My husband and I were shocked when we moved to Missouri. People were so "white" (both skin tone and culturally). Many of them really only knew white people (which made sense it rural Missouri). The move was tough for many reasons, but the worst part about it was the lack of diversity (especially in the food). ;) 

One time, there was woman who we worked with who saw my husband at the store and wished him "Merry Christmas." Then she said "oh I am sorry, do you celebrate Christmas?" My husband was holding stockings and a popcorn can with Santa's face on it.

We had a good laugh about it at her expense, but in hindsight that was wrong. She has lived in an area with only white people her whole life. And tv and the internet can only do so much when you have never experienced living in a diverse environment.

When people say "stupid things" we shouldn't jump at the opportunity to demonize them... We should instead learn more about their background. Yes some people are just bigoted- even if they come from a diverse background. But we shouldn't assume that all people who don't say interculturally competent things are racist- they just haven't had the privilege of living in a diverse environment. Those of us who did, have learned many lessons they have not- we hold knowledge, which is a privilege  This isn't to say that they don't have privilege in many other ways, we should just note this is an area where they do not have the privilege we do. 

2. We often forget about the other minorities 

SNL was in the news for months after Lorne Michaels was confronted for the lack of black female actors on the show. He made a controversial statement saying that they would hire a black female actor when a talented one was available. This statement upset many people, from many different races because there are many talented black female comedians around. The public outcry eventually led to SNL hiring a black female actor in January. 

Though I am glad that SNL responded to the public outcry that there is a major diversity problem, people are acting like SNL is diverse now... It is not. There have been 4 black female actors in SNL's history, but only two Hispanic (males) and no Asians. This is not ok- we should all be continuing with the momentum and outcry for the lack of racial diversity on this show, yet we all seem satisfied that just one group's demands were met. When we only come along one group and forget others who are being marginalized, we are just lying to ourselves. We must not forget other minorities. 

3. We think we are exempt from being racist or bigoted

I love the movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner." This movie was so ahead if it's time for many reasons, but namely because Spencer Tracey's character was a progressive man. He stood up for civil rights and believed everyone should be treated equally. But when his daughter brought home a black man, it brought all his true feelings to the surface... and he was conflicted with what he felt. 

I think we all have feelings that are racially motivated whether we realize it it not. Sometimes an incident can bring these ugly feelings to the surface and we are forced to confront them. 

One of my best friends and I were talking once about how we notice we will either think or say something with racist undertones about other drivers while driving through Garden Grove (a predominantly Asian area). We know that we don't really believe a people group can be categorized as bad drivers, nor would we, two seemingly progressive people, want to ever admit we think these things if we are in a bad place. Yet, if we don't acknowledge these feelings when they come up, we will keep pushing them down, and we will never be able to work on our issues and move forward. We must admit that we all have feelings and thoughts we are not proud of, but should acknowledge them and strive to move towards understanding and respect.

4. As a result of #3, we treat all people who are privileged as others

Socioeconomic status, mixed with race is doing more harm than good in academia. It's actually quite offensive. 

Affirmative action in its present state assumes that all minorities come from a lower socioeconomic class and thus will often provide countless scholarship opportunities based off of this logic. This is problematic for two reasons. First; we are mixing socioeconomic status and race. While they are not always mutually exclusive, it's racist to assume and blend them into one category. When we do that, we are placing preconceived labels on people. Secondly, those who are from a lower socioeconomic class, but are not minorities feel as if they are not being offered a fair chance. This builds up feelings of resentment and will cause more racial strife between groups down the road. Those who are white are not always privileged across the board... In some cases they have even less privilege.  We must realize that privilege is categorized (yes you have some privilege as a white male in some areas, but it doesn't always mean you have it across the board- finances, religion, education etc also all play a role in privilege). 

Look at socioeconomic status and race- don't just assume the two are combined. If we do that, we inadvertently treat those we deem privileged (whether correctly or incorrectly) as others.  

5. We need to show more compassion to others 

Since many of us from a diverse environment know what is right and wrong from an intercultural standpoint, we also know what we can and cannot say. And we must acknowledge that this is a privilege  Not every person who says something that is interculturally incompetent is bigoted, some just have not had the privilege that we have had in knowing what is and is not racist (and more importantly why). Yes, books can teach us a lot, but real life experiences give us the ever coveted street smarts, which proves to be much more valuable. 

When I first moved to Missouri, I was taken aback by the ignorant things I would hear. But after two years there, and many heart to heart conversations, I realized there were very few bigoted people, just some who were uninformed. But once they became informed, they changed the way they acted and spoke. Sometimes it takes those of us with privilege to come alongside those who don't have privilege to progress together. 

So there it is... Based off of my looks alone, one would never think I would have the right to talk about such things. Judging someone by their looks is wrong- we need to accept that all of us have a unique background which forms us into the people we are. We need to respect one another and show compassion to those who were not privileged enough to grow up in diverse environments. That is the only way ALL of us will progress and the only way we will make our world a better place for our children. 

Ten Years Man! Ten Years!

One of my husband's favorite movies (and it's up there on my list too) is Grosse Pointe Blank. If you haven't seen it, it's a really funny movie that involves a ten year high school reunion. The main character runs into a friend who cannot believe it has been ten years since they graduated high school. He goes on and on about it and keeps obnoxiously shouting out "Ten years man! Ten years!" 

And in 2014 I find myself in a similar spot... Realizing that it has been ten years since I graduated high school. 

When I graduated high school in 2004, I wondered what life would be like in the year of my ten year reunion. Would I be married? Would I have kids? What kind of job would I have? 

In 2004, I had no idea about all that would happen over the period of ten years... 

I didn't know that I would volunteer at a non-profit organization the following year and end up working there for 9 years (and going) and eventually become a director of a department there. I didn't know that God would use my skill set and the passions from my youth at this job (like my interest/borderline obsession with geography, different cultures and talking/storytelling ... or communicating if I want to sound more professional). I didn't know that when I was 20 years old, a stranger had a word from God confirming this call on my life and that he said "God has you going to many countries throughout the world and you are going to see miracles like blind men seeing and lame men walking." I didn't know that I would go to countries in Africa, South America and Asia with my work and experience the miracles this stranger had prophesied. 

I didn't know that I would graduate with a degree in Communications from Vanguard University (I started with a Sociology degree) and a Leadership Master's degree from a small university in rural Missouri. I didn't know of the deep and amazing lifelong friendships I would make while I was in school. 

I didn't know that I would meet the love of my life when I was 19 years old and all that we would experience together. I didn't know that four significant members of my family would not be at my wedding and that they would not speak to me or the rest of the family for three years. I didn't know that God would use the situation to allow me to become closer with every other family member and that He would speak His truth through all of them, helping me overcome my people pleasing issues and the extreme anxiety that parliyzed me. I didn't know that God would bring His restoration to this situation and how He used it to help me grow more than I could have ever imagined. 

I didn't know that I would grow in my independence while living in Portland for a year and that after I got married I would move to the middle of nowhere Missouri. I didn't know that my husband and I would be "Mom and Dad" to over 60 teenage boys while living with them in a dorm (and I didn't know how much we would love them and have many of them in our lives for the long haul). I didn't know that we would have so many adventures while living there and be able to travel so much in the US and that we would be able to backpack through Europe.

I didn't know that my husband would drop down to 115 lbs and that he would almost die from his hyperthyroid. I didn't know that our school in Missouri would make a tax mistake right before we moved back to California and completely drain our savings. I didn't know that my husband would be out of work for a year and a half and that we would be so poor that we could only eat food like soup or Mac & Cheese and that we still couldn't make ends meet. 

I didn't know that in the year leading up to my ten year reunion God would drastically change our lives by providing my husband with a job in his field and that he would provide me with two unexpected payraises. I didn't know he would allow us to move from our dangerous old neighborhood and bless us with an amazing new apartment. 

And these are only some of the things I didn't know. 

I don't think the 18 year old version of me would have ever been able to guess all of the things that I would experience over the next ten years. I am so thankful for all 3,650 days- both the blessed and difficult seasons. I'm thankful for every experience and how God allowed me to grow through those times. I am so thankful for His faithfulness and the amazing life He has blessed me with and I am so excited for all that 2014 (and the future holds). 

Despite the likelihood of not keeping New Year's resolutions, I still like to set goals each year. Last year I aimed to memorize the book of Philipians, but only memorized most of chapter 4. I set a goal to eat 1200 calories or less a day and workout 3 days a week, but probably only did that 75% of the time. But I set a goal to read 2 books a month, and read 28 (4 more than I had to). Even if I didn't meet all my goals, I think the goals challenged me to do more than I would have, had I not set any goals. 

So without further adieu, here are my top ten goals for 2014:

1. Read through the Bible in a year

I have not done this since I was 13 years old, and thought it was about time to do this again. I decided to go with a plan that is a chronological reading (to the best of these Bibical historian's knowledge). Excited to see what God reveals this time around. 

2. Use myfitness app everyday 

I hope to record my 1200 calories (or less), 5 minute ab routine, 8 glasses of water and different workouts (with hopefully more being outside activities like hiking) everyday. 

3. Write a blog once a week 

My job involves lots of writing, so I have been slacking on my personal writing. I hope to use this blog to write blog posts, short stories, thoughts, poems and any other form if creative writing once a week. 

4. Read at least 2 books a month 

I learned so much from the books I read last year. Whether they challenged my theological beliefs, taught me more about leadership in the work place or were a stunning example of wordsmithing and storytelling, I learned so much. And I want to learn even more in 2014. 

5. Use my duolingo app everyday 

I have been trying to learn Spanish since I was 20 and have been failing miserably. This is the best language app I have ever come across and only requires 15 minutes a day. Wish me luck amigos!

6. Do at least one art project a month

Art has an amazing way of centering me. I get busy and forget to do art, something I very much enjoy. Whether it is painting, drawing a comic, finishing my photography class or doing web design I need to make more of an effort in this area. 

7. Take at least one walk by myself everyday at work

This is a great way to get centered, inspiration and most importantly a time set aside to spend with God, whether it is just being still with Him or getting His guidance. 

8. Take a picture everyday

We are so blessed to live in 2014 and as cheesy as the #photoadaychallenges are, it is an awesome way to document daily life and reflect on all the different experiences I have had. 

9. Incorporate more music in my life 

I need to listen to more music and play my instruments more... Period. Music centers me like art and sadly I have been pretty neglectful to one of my favorite parts of life. 

10. Seek out more ways to grow in certain areas spiritually

I go to my church twice a week, work at a Christian organization and most of my friends are Christian. I don't have many opportunities to evangelize, but don't want to use that as an excuse. I have always loved the song "Make my life a prayer to You" by Keith Green and want seek the ways in which God can allow me to grow and share His goodness with others. Excited to see how He will do this in spite of me and all my flaws.

I hope this long blog post reflects my thankfulness for the life God has blessed me with and pray it serves as an encouragement to you as you reflect on the life you have been blessed with. Happy 2014! 

New Lines

My new bathroom has floresent lighting,

Directly over the mirror,

For the first time I have seen new lines,

They are very clear.

My finger follows the crows feet,

Formed by my squinty eyes,

I think of all the times they appear,

When I laugh, smile or cry. 

Next I follow a line,

A u-shape under my eye,

It's the newest addition,

In my 27 years of life.

Some hate growing old,

Letting wrinkles show their age,

For me, each crevice represents 

My life story on display.

The formation of the lines,

Started with my first smile,

They grew deeper and deeper, 

With the experiences on file.

They grew deeper still,

As I smiled at my first defensive save, 

Moreso when I worked for hours,

To receive a final grade: A.

Deeper they grew still,

When a boy first held my hand,

When I received my driver's license,

And got asked the dance.

When I got accepted to college,

When I met the love of my life,

The moment I said I do,

And received a promotion after much strife.

Continue to hold the dear memories,

Capsules of of my experiences,

Grow deeper and deeper,

And fill up with these credences. 

An Eye For An Eye- Part 2

There was a bright light that blinded Kenny in one eye, making it impossible to see what was in front of him.

Though he was blinded, he walked closer to see what the light held.

“Kenny, my son!” he heard his father say.

“Dad- Dad where are you?”

He saw his father in the light- radiating.

“Dad, how can it be you?”

“Come my son, come and hug me.”

Kenny had no idea as to how it was possible, but ran and hugged his father who had been dead for nearly 20 years.

His embrace was so warm, Kenny felt like a child again in his father’s arms.

“It’s time to go son,” his father said.

Kenny turned around and saw his lifeless body lying on the floor. The owner of the home stood above him screaming and shouting “I killed him- I cant breathe... I'm gonna be sick.”

And as Kenny and his father began to levitate, they heard another gun blast and saw that the man took his own life….

And there was no light.

An Eye For An Eye- Part 1

Kenny approached the door in a slow and drawn out manner. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up straight, as the wind howled behind him. 

Some dried out leaves circled around his feet as he stood on the creeky porch. He raised his hand, formed a fist, and prepared to knock on the door.

"Come on," he said. "Just knock on the door." 

But he couldn't do it... The horrible memories plauged his thoughts.

"Help me," the young voice shrieked. 

He looked around and said to himself "It's not real... Just get in and get out."

He knocked on the door with all his might and was stunned when it opened right away.

"I've come to get what is mine!"

The four walls made him feel as if the house was closing in on him. For it was in this house nearly 20 years before, that the most precious thing was taken from him... 

"An eye for an eye..." he shouted loudly.

As he shouted, what he feared most approached him.... 

False Statements Of Equality, Service and Love?

Statements. 

We seem to think that they dictate events in our world (and that they have throughout the course of history). 

I have a dream. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. Love thy neighbor. 

We value these statements (and so many others) and truly believe that we as individuals live them out. But are we doing this in our daily lives? 

I have a dream: Do I have hope in the future? Do I actually want every single person I know to have an equal chance at things I want (the same job promotion, the same income, the same level of popularity)? Or if I look closer at myself, do I only want this for those people in my life who I deem as worthy of receiving the same things? 

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country: What am I doing for my country? How am I serving the people of my nation? Am I one who lodges an Internet rant when the leaders of the country are doing something I disagree with, expecting the nation to do what I want? Or am I striving to do things to make my community a better place? Am I asking what I can do for the people of my country? 

Love thy neighbor: Do I truly love the person I work with or do I give a blank stare every time they say something that I think is stupid? Do I harbor resentment or do I strive to see what God sees (good and bad)? I am able to love my husband, family and close friends- with both their good and bad traits, because I know I have good and bad traits as well. But beyond that, can I honestly say I love each person, each neighbor in my life? 

We like to think that these statements rule our lives- as Americans, as Christian, as progressive people. But are these evident in our own lives or are they just statements we believe that we live by? Just because we don't think we are racist, doesn't mean we believe in social, class or other forms of equality. Just because we love our country, doesn't mean we are serving the people in it and trying to make it a better place. Just because we love most of our neighbors, doesn't mean we are showing love to everyone in our lives. 

How do we fix this? How do we humble our hearts to truly live out equality, service and love? 

Lord, show me how to live out these things more. Especially Your command to love thy neighbor, because that is where it all begins. Amen 

How Dare You Threaten Me!

How dare you threaten me!

With your thoughts so against mine,

Your words are so wrong!

Or could our thoughts be in line? 

Are you actually stating,

What I feel and fear most? 

Am I so threatened by your words,

Since I've wondered the "blasphemous?"

Am I threatened by your statement,

Because I've secretly thought the same?

Am I worried about exposure,

That you'll highlight my shame?

Is that why I am angered,

By your statement as is,

I view it as a threat,

Against my own image? 

Could it be when we are honest,

And question You Lord,

It is not blasphemy,

But a way to grow & know you more? 

The tough questions and situations,

Help me grow with others,

We expose our true selves,

Versus lying about having it all together

If You care about the lilies and birds,

And say that you care for us more,

Why are Christians in some countries,

Dying because they are starved?

Why did you say that this generation,

Would not pass away,

Before you returned,

Have we excused it away?

These questions don't cause me,

To trust or revere You less,

Perhaps You will show me the answer,

Perhaps my thoughts will remain a mess

The truth is You have proved,

Yourself o'er and o'er,

These small questions don't stop that,

Just cause me to be honest more

I want to be honest about

Faith, love and doubts,

Rather than be threatened, 

And to grow in my "what abouts" 

Confusion

Egotistical, entitled

Neurotic I suppose, 

Deserving, a calling,

A life of purpose of sorts.

Are these desires selfish?

Are they for my own good?

Is being a voice flooded

By a sea of others who would?

Am I apathetic if I stay where I am?

Will I regret not trying for more?

Or is thinking I'm called for greater,

Like the words mentioned before?

I hate apathy,

But I hate feeling entitled,

I want to live in the moment,

And not be in denial 

So direct me if I missing something,

If You have called me for more,

And not let the precious moments,

Slip away evermore 

Legacy

My friend Grace & I had a chat the other day about our legacy. What impact would we have on people in our daily lives, work or on people we barely know. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and these are the things I want associated with my legacy:

1. Joyful. This a natural quality that I have... I have been a "happy camper" since I was little. Even though this is a natural quality, it doesn't always seem to come naturally. Things and situations in my life make me frustrated, bitter and cynical. Every time I let that take hold, I feel as if I lose a little bit of my joy (and I don't want to do that). Christ tells us He has given us His joy, so our joy can be complete. I want my heart to be filled with this rather than bitterness. I have seen what bitterness can do to a person & I don't want that.
2. Kind. Along the same lines, difficult or frustrating situations can cause me to be cynical and sarcastic. I would rather show kindness to all people, no matter how they treat me.
3. Hard-worker (who produces great stuff). I want to work hard, because I feel strongly about having a strong work ethic. But, I don't want to work hard for the sake of working hard... I want to produce content that impacts people, helps others and improves the status quo. Additionally I want to work hard while I am at work,, but to leave work at work, so I can lead a healthy life outside of work- always putting God and my family first.
4. A powerful communicator. I think that God has given me the ability to be a powerful communicator. I know I will always learn new ways to improve this gift, but I know that it is one that He has blessed me with and I want to use it to honor Him.
5. A reflection of God's love. God loves me despite all my flaws. I want to love others with this same kind of love... No matter how frustrating they might be.

So now, it's time to pray that He will help me to keep or make these qualities part of my life and legacy. Lord, show me how to have a legacy which brings honor to You.

Refreshed, Renewed & Ready (Well As much As I Can Be)

The conference was, in one word, amazing. I felt a sense of renewed passion for my work & the calling I believe the Lord has placed on my life. I have been reflecting a lot in all that He has done to bring me to this place, all the ways He has made His voice clear. All I know is despite myself, He has allowed me to be used by Him and I am extremely humbled. I am blessed by my co-workers from around the world & I am looking forward to future collaborations & implementing ideas which came from this week.

Istanbul was equally amazing. In addition to seeing some amazing sites, it was the first time in a long time that I really took it slow. There was no agenda. I drew by the seaside, walked along the historic routes and took time to just slowly enjoy life. Despite the business of my daily life, I hope I can incorporate this into my life more. It was not only good to slow down mentally and physically, but to have more time spiritually to be with God. I have enjoyed reading Philippians and enjoyed taking in the amazing examples of His handiwork (like the sunset pictured here).

I needed both of these elements to come back to whatever is in store next (I really have no idea what is next). I'm as ready as I'll ever be (aka not ready for anything without Him). Thankfully, I know He is with me through it all, especially when I choose to abide in Him.

Jer and I both have a peace about the next chapter of life, but don't know what is in store for sure. I'm so thankful for my sweet husband. He is absolutely amazing and a reminder of God's faithfulness and how much He truly loves me (and I don't even know the full extent).

Thank you Lord for this time of renewal and refreshment. Thank you for seeing us through tough seasons and for seeing us through peaceful ones. Thank you for being the same yesterday, today & forever- Amen!

Istanbul was Constantinople

I am currently en route to Istanbul and will have a connecting flight to Amsterdam for a work conference. After the conference, I will fly back to Istanbul & will spend a few vacation days there, before heading back. I don't think words can describe how excited I am for both- so thankful to be given this opportunity :)

When I was 8, I dressed up as a little Dutch girl & only dreamt of visiting the country one day. And for years I have read about the rich history of Turkey: the 7 churches Paul wrote to were from this country, the Ottoman Empire and the Grand Bazaar. I know I say this a lot, but I am so thankful for the way God has allowed me to experience my childhood dreams, use my gifts (including the ones I went to school for) and that all of this can be used for an amazing ministry.

I'm reading Mindy Kaling's book right now (which is amazing) & she too expresses her gratitude for being able to fulfill her childhood dreams. It's a gift not everyone gets, so I am very thankful to be blessed with it (well maybe I am not an Archeologist or inventor, but it is arguable that as a communicator, one has to go on an 'archeological dig' for new ideas and invent new ways of presenting them) :). I guess all I am trying to say is God has renewed my love for what He has called me to in so many amazing ways (including new opportunities i never thought possible) and for this I am beyond grateful.

Jer has some upcoming interviews this week. Mind saying a prayer for him- that God would open the right doors, according to his perfect will? I was reminded the other day of how Jer gave up the opportunity to go to school (with a large scholarship) for computer engineering. After a semester, he obeyed the calling he felt to study youth leadership at Vanguard (for a heck of a lot more money out of pocket no less).

I remember when we first were dating, he told me he didn't want to be a youth pastor.

"Then why are you studying to be one," I asked.

"I know I'm called to work with youth- just in a different capacity, though I'm not sure what it looks like," he said.

Well a few years later, it became very obvious that God had called him to minister to students in Higher Education. I know I have talked about our time in Missouri before, but it truly was an amazing ministry & calling that God had called Jer to. So many amazing stories, conversations abd relationships that I had the privilege of observing as a wife (and participating in together).

Not only would we like Jer to have a job for financial reasons (and preparing for our future), but more importantly to be used by God in the unique & wonderful ministry he has been called to (and has sacrificed so much for). In the meantime, God has opened up numerous short term ministry opportunities, which have been equally wonderful to observe as his spouse. Admittedly, I brag a little as a wife, but I am so proud if the man he is & that God blessed me with him.

Well, we are currently flying over the UK and with a little over 3 hours left on this flight, I am signing off.

Shout out alert: Thankful for the wifi and all the awesome amenities on Turkish Airlines :)

Peace out friends!

A Truthful Generation

As I have been working on a book about our generation, I have observed many things (from a Christian worldview). One of the things I have been wondering is if our generation has been forced to be a more honest one?

Since the dawn of social media, people's lives have been on display. People used to hide photos they didn't want others to see or would censor things that they would say, but it seemed almost inevitable that someone would tag them in an unwanted photo or would share something on their wall that they previously would have been mortified that they would share.

Since crowd control is a little more difficult now in days, it seems like people have almost given up trying to display two separate lives- and are a bit more honest (not saying they are 100% honest about who they are and what they do, but are more so than in previous times because of technological forces).

I think this is good and bad. Good points: seems there is more grace from others (since they know that their brother or long lost friend could share something on a social media website they wouldn't want the world to see) and also that their is a bit less hypocrisy (because it is a lot easier to point out the plank in their eye with social media sources). Some people will try to keep everything perfect on social media, but that can be a full time job, so most don't.

The bad side if this? The honesty is forced, rather than coming from the desire of a person (social media just forces you to be honest about your personal life).

Secondly, photos can be deceiving. I was having a conversation with a friend recently who has a lot of "party" photos on Facebook & not much else. At first glance, it would look like she is a "party girl" but in actuality, she rarely drinks- she just happens to hang out with friends who do & that's the only time people post photos on FB. She has realized that people judge her, even though the situation is much different than it appears.

Lastly, I wonder if not all off our lives should be shared. The example of my friend reminds me that I too do not drink often, but might have a drink with some close friends sometimes. I strive to follow the guidelines the Bible lays out for us regarding drinking (do not get drunk with wine, but instead be filled with the Holy Spirit & to not eat or drink things in the presence if others which might offend or cause them to stumble). I don't believe that there is anything wrong with having a drink or drinking in moderation (we know that Jesus drank wine on multiple occasions), but I will not drink in front of anyone who it might cause to stumble or who it might offend. The problem with social media is that if someone takes a picture of me with a glass of wine next to me or maybe surrounded by people who are drinking (even if I am not), it might send a different message than intended to those who I would normally chose not to have a drink in front of.

I don't really have a solution to the problems at hand for our generation regarding this subject matter, more of just an observation. I guess the thing I can say is honesty & dialogue are the most important things for us. I am reminded that Jesus was open about drinking wine (the Bible is circulated a lot more than any of our Facebook pages) and that he modeled moderation. Dialogue is important because people make a lot of assumptions looking at pictures (some are accurate, while others are inaccurate). That is partially why I felt led to write this blog. This is a new and unique challenge for us who are members of this generation.

Whether it is about the food we eat, the drinks we drink, the people we hang with, the places we go or the things we say, it is vital that we first & foremost strive to honor The Lord in all we do.

Nothing Changes On New Year's Day

I always get the U2 song New Year's Day stuck in my head every year on this day. The line that "nothing changes" on this day is one that always sticks out to me.

I think whether it is by resolution or hope for a brighter tomorrow, many if us expect drastic change in a year, though often not much will change. Occasionally there will be major change in the period of a year, but often it isn't anything close to what we think the change will look like.

A friend just got back from Thailand and said that the Mission agency she was with told her it would be strange coming back because a lot can change in a year with friends. She said nothing had seemed to change too drastically, which surprised her.

So with this, I know that things will change in a year, friends will have babies, people will move away or move home and some prayers for jobs may be answered. I know that I can't expect things i wan to see change to change unless I strive to venture to new, uncharted territories, where the streets have no names.

A Year of Observations

If I could sum up my 26th year or perhaps the year 2012, it would be the year of learning through observing.

On the outside  it would appear as if not much has changed in my life...we live in the same apartment, I am still at my job, Jer is still looking for full-time employment and we are still a one-car couple. However there have been multiple changes this year...changes I have observed and learned a lot from:

1. Niceness is both a strength and a weakness

I am more inclined to be a nice person. Perhaps it is because I am naturally a nice person. Perhaps it is because I am a people-pleaser. Perhaps it is a mixture of both. Now most of you would say "Duh" to this point, but it was ground-breaking to me. When you are nice or kind to everyone all the time, you cannot call them out when they need to be called out. You cannot help someone grow as a person if you only have kind words, instead of words that might be hard to hear at first, but are needed to help an individual. Now I am making it a point to find that happy balance of natural kindness and necessary firmness.

2. Leaders aren't forever, Neither is the current situation

Things change, times change, leaders change. Nothing is forever. Knock on doors while waiting it out. If God is opening or closing a door, He is faithful to guide you if you ask Him. Sometimes you cannot change a situation, but you are called to be there, to be used by God as He sees fit. Sometimes it may feel like you are not helping those you care about, but your presence or just knowing that you care has meant the world to them. You never know how God is using you in your current situation.

3. Squeaky wheels get the grease

I have been hearing a few good old fashion expressions like this or "time for them to go out to pastures." Both make me laugh because of the vivid descriptions associated with the meaning. Both are very true statements...especially the title statement. Whether it is something insightful, self-satisfying, in a complaining tone or to gain attention that is undue, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Its a bummer for those who strive to do things without complaining or do things without trying to bring glory to themselves. Sometimes it is those quiet tires you have to check on...their tread might be worn down, might be running out of air or they could be flat...check on all tires.

4. Extroverts can be Wallflowers

The older I get, the more of an observer I become. I tend to add less to a conversation (unless its with those I am very close to) and tend to observe more. Some would take this as a sign of an introvert, but I am as much of an extrovert as I have ever been. I get my energy from people...many times by observing them

5. Passions from my youth, which was really awhile ago

I came to terms this year with the fact that I am in a new stage of life. I am no longer a young adult, but rather an adult (who is on the younger side). This made me realize that my childhood was awhile ago. However, this has caused me to reflect on my childhood more. I have realized this year more than ever that many of the things I was passionate about in my youth, I am passionate about now. Different cultures, traveling and meeting new people. When I was a kid, I had a money box....when people traveled to different areas around the world, they would bring me the currency from the countries that they had visited and I kept it in a box. When I was nine years old, I got a book which highlighted children from different cultures and countries...I would read this book nearly every single day. I dreamed of being an archaeologist.  When I was 19, I was reminded of these passions when someone gave me a prophetic word, stating "You are going to go to many place in the world and see biblical miracles." Little did I know that would be happening through my work, which has encompassed both the passions from my youth and adulthood.

Learned a lot of other things this year, but these were the highlights. If I learned this much this year, cant wait to see what I will learn next year.

A Muslim GOP Candidate

I'm constantly amazed by the racist comments that are still being stated 4 years later. People still believe that Obama wasn't born in the US & are still convinced that he is Muslim. Never has a white candidate been accused of these things.

On the other hand, I'm also amazed at how many Christian Republicans who were once very outspoken about how Mormonism is a cult, are suddenly silent about it while fully supporting Romney. Even Billy Graham has removed the statement that "Mormonism is a cult" from his website and has endorsed Romney.

*Side Note- it's pretty disheartening to me that in recent years that Billy Graham has been so political. I have always admired him for choosing not to be part of the Christian Right when approached by Pat Robertson in the 1980's. Perhaps this is due to him being older or Franklin Graham being more in charge of the organization.*

A friend of mine & I were discussing these things this week and she posed this question: Do you think that Republican Christians would ever vote for a Muslim GOP candidate (since they have voted for a Mormon)?

Now I doubt in the real (bigoted) world this would happen, but for arguments sake, let's say it was between a Muslim GOP candidate and a democrat... who do you think the Christian Right would choose to endorse?

26

Introspective, reflective,
Probably dwelling too much,
I remember these events,
And how my life has been touched.

At age twenty six I have,
A lifetime or more,
Of trials, tribulations,
For richer or poor

I think of the adventures,
And the ones still in store,
I wonder what is next,
As we knock on different doors,

So many 'nearlies,'
That I have lost count,
It feels my chain is yanked,
Or is it of greater amount?

Could it be Your reminder,
That You are still there,
To keep seeking and asking,
Remaining in prayer?

Is the answer around the corner,
Will Your hand guide us there,
You've taught us so much,
We are willing and with You prepared.

To serve & honor You,
The best that we can,
We will take what we have learned,
Striving to flee from sin's hand.

We're ready to be used,
Your ministry we crave,
Bring us to this Lord,
Please show us the way.

19

Sometimes I think back to when I was 19 & note how it was probably the best year of my life.

When I was 19 I started dating Jer, started working at OD & met some of my dearest friends. Things were good with my family & life was pretty care-free.

Since then I have not had a year that has been as carefree. I have gone through multiple trials and tribulations (and some great times too).

But the things I have gone through, the life experiences I have had, have formed me into the person I am today.

I read a great devotional from Our Daily Bread the other day http://odb.org/2012/10/04/timing-is-everything/. It was about God's timing...reminders of how Joseph had to be in prison till he was called to his destiny or how Esther was uncertain of her future when she married the King. They went through long periods of trials, till they received their inheritance from God.

I often wonder if life will ever be that enjoyable again. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. It may be here or it may be in heaven. But no matter what, I'm thankful for today. I'm blessed with an amazing marriage, a great job & amazing loved ones. Life isn't always easy, but the little things in each day are such a gift. Living in and enjoying today is key. Life lesson #247