Ten Years Man! Ten Years!

One of my husband's favorite movies (and it's up there on my list too) is Grosse Pointe Blank. If you haven't seen it, it's a really funny movie that involves a ten year high school reunion. The main character runs into a friend who cannot believe it has been ten years since they graduated high school. He goes on and on about it and keeps obnoxiously shouting out "Ten years man! Ten years!" 

And in 2014 I find myself in a similar spot... Realizing that it has been ten years since I graduated high school. 

When I graduated high school in 2004, I wondered what life would be like in the year of my ten year reunion. Would I be married? Would I have kids? What kind of job would I have? 

In 2004, I had no idea about all that would happen over the period of ten years... 

I didn't know that I would volunteer at a non-profit organization the following year and end up working there for 9 years (and going) and eventually become a director of a department there. I didn't know that God would use my skill set and the passions from my youth at this job (like my interest/borderline obsession with geography, different cultures and talking/storytelling ... or communicating if I want to sound more professional). I didn't know that when I was 20 years old, a stranger had a word from God confirming this call on my life and that he said "God has you going to many countries throughout the world and you are going to see miracles like blind men seeing and lame men walking." I didn't know that I would go to countries in Africa, South America and Asia with my work and experience the miracles this stranger had prophesied. 

I didn't know that I would graduate with a degree in Communications from Vanguard University (I started with a Sociology degree) and a Leadership Master's degree from a small university in rural Missouri. I didn't know of the deep and amazing lifelong friendships I would make while I was in school. 

I didn't know that I would meet the love of my life when I was 19 years old and all that we would experience together. I didn't know that four significant members of my family would not be at my wedding and that they would not speak to me or the rest of the family for three years. I didn't know that God would use the situation to allow me to become closer with every other family member and that He would speak His truth through all of them, helping me overcome my people pleasing issues and the extreme anxiety that parliyzed me. I didn't know that God would bring His restoration to this situation and how He used it to help me grow more than I could have ever imagined. 

I didn't know that I would grow in my independence while living in Portland for a year and that after I got married I would move to the middle of nowhere Missouri. I didn't know that my husband and I would be "Mom and Dad" to over 60 teenage boys while living with them in a dorm (and I didn't know how much we would love them and have many of them in our lives for the long haul). I didn't know that we would have so many adventures while living there and be able to travel so much in the US and that we would be able to backpack through Europe.

I didn't know that my husband would drop down to 115 lbs and that he would almost die from his hyperthyroid. I didn't know that our school in Missouri would make a tax mistake right before we moved back to California and completely drain our savings. I didn't know that my husband would be out of work for a year and a half and that we would be so poor that we could only eat food like soup or Mac & Cheese and that we still couldn't make ends meet. 

I didn't know that in the year leading up to my ten year reunion God would drastically change our lives by providing my husband with a job in his field and that he would provide me with two unexpected payraises. I didn't know he would allow us to move from our dangerous old neighborhood and bless us with an amazing new apartment. 

And these are only some of the things I didn't know. 

I don't think the 18 year old version of me would have ever been able to guess all of the things that I would experience over the next ten years. I am so thankful for all 3,650 days- both the blessed and difficult seasons. I'm thankful for every experience and how God allowed me to grow through those times. I am so thankful for His faithfulness and the amazing life He has blessed me with and I am so excited for all that 2014 (and the future holds). 

Despite the likelihood of not keeping New Year's resolutions, I still like to set goals each year. Last year I aimed to memorize the book of Philipians, but only memorized most of chapter 4. I set a goal to eat 1200 calories or less a day and workout 3 days a week, but probably only did that 75% of the time. But I set a goal to read 2 books a month, and read 28 (4 more than I had to). Even if I didn't meet all my goals, I think the goals challenged me to do more than I would have, had I not set any goals. 

So without further adieu, here are my top ten goals for 2014:

1. Read through the Bible in a year

I have not done this since I was 13 years old, and thought it was about time to do this again. I decided to go with a plan that is a chronological reading (to the best of these Bibical historian's knowledge). Excited to see what God reveals this time around. 

2. Use myfitness app everyday 

I hope to record my 1200 calories (or less), 5 minute ab routine, 8 glasses of water and different workouts (with hopefully more being outside activities like hiking) everyday. 

3. Write a blog once a week 

My job involves lots of writing, so I have been slacking on my personal writing. I hope to use this blog to write blog posts, short stories, thoughts, poems and any other form if creative writing once a week. 

4. Read at least 2 books a month 

I learned so much from the books I read last year. Whether they challenged my theological beliefs, taught me more about leadership in the work place or were a stunning example of wordsmithing and storytelling, I learned so much. And I want to learn even more in 2014. 

5. Use my duolingo app everyday 

I have been trying to learn Spanish since I was 20 and have been failing miserably. This is the best language app I have ever come across and only requires 15 minutes a day. Wish me luck amigos!

6. Do at least one art project a month

Art has an amazing way of centering me. I get busy and forget to do art, something I very much enjoy. Whether it is painting, drawing a comic, finishing my photography class or doing web design I need to make more of an effort in this area. 

7. Take at least one walk by myself everyday at work

This is a great way to get centered, inspiration and most importantly a time set aside to spend with God, whether it is just being still with Him or getting His guidance. 

8. Take a picture everyday

We are so blessed to live in 2014 and as cheesy as the #photoadaychallenges are, it is an awesome way to document daily life and reflect on all the different experiences I have had. 

9. Incorporate more music in my life 

I need to listen to more music and play my instruments more... Period. Music centers me like art and sadly I have been pretty neglectful to one of my favorite parts of life. 

10. Seek out more ways to grow in certain areas spiritually

I go to my church twice a week, work at a Christian organization and most of my friends are Christian. I don't have many opportunities to evangelize, but don't want to use that as an excuse. I have always loved the song "Make my life a prayer to You" by Keith Green and want seek the ways in which God can allow me to grow and share His goodness with others. Excited to see how He will do this in spite of me and all my flaws.

I hope this long blog post reflects my thankfulness for the life God has blessed me with and pray it serves as an encouragement to you as you reflect on the life you have been blessed with. Happy 2014! 

New Lines

My new bathroom has floresent lighting,

Directly over the mirror,

For the first time I have seen new lines,

They are very clear.

My finger follows the crows feet,

Formed by my squinty eyes,

I think of all the times they appear,

When I laugh, smile or cry. 

Next I follow a line,

A u-shape under my eye,

It's the newest addition,

In my 27 years of life.

Some hate growing old,

Letting wrinkles show their age,

For me, each crevice represents 

My life story on display.

The formation of the lines,

Started with my first smile,

They grew deeper and deeper, 

With the experiences on file.

They grew deeper still,

As I smiled at my first defensive save, 

Moreso when I worked for hours,

To receive a final grade: A.

Deeper they grew still,

When a boy first held my hand,

When I received my driver's license,

And got asked the dance.

When I got accepted to college,

When I met the love of my life,

The moment I said I do,

And received a promotion after much strife.

Continue to hold the dear memories,

Capsules of of my experiences,

Grow deeper and deeper,

And fill up with these credences. 

An Eye For An Eye- Part 2

There was a bright light that blinded Kenny in one eye, making it impossible to see what was in front of him.

Though he was blinded, he walked closer to see what the light held.

“Kenny, my son!” he heard his father say.

“Dad- Dad where are you?”

He saw his father in the light- radiating.

“Dad, how can it be you?”

“Come my son, come and hug me.”

Kenny had no idea as to how it was possible, but ran and hugged his father who had been dead for nearly 20 years.

His embrace was so warm, Kenny felt like a child again in his father’s arms.

“It’s time to go son,” his father said.

Kenny turned around and saw his lifeless body lying on the floor. The owner of the home stood above him screaming and shouting “I killed him- I cant breathe... I'm gonna be sick.”

And as Kenny and his father began to levitate, they heard another gun blast and saw that the man took his own life….

And there was no light.

An Eye For An Eye- Part 1

Kenny approached the door in a slow and drawn out manner. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up straight, as the wind howled behind him. 

Some dried out leaves circled around his feet as he stood on the creeky porch. He raised his hand, formed a fist, and prepared to knock on the door.

"Come on," he said. "Just knock on the door." 

But he couldn't do it... The horrible memories plauged his thoughts.

"Help me," the young voice shrieked. 

He looked around and said to himself "It's not real... Just get in and get out."

He knocked on the door with all his might and was stunned when it opened right away.

"I've come to get what is mine!"

The four walls made him feel as if the house was closing in on him. For it was in this house nearly 20 years before, that the most precious thing was taken from him... 

"An eye for an eye..." he shouted loudly.

As he shouted, what he feared most approached him.... 

False Statements Of Equality, Service and Love?

Statements. 

We seem to think that they dictate events in our world (and that they have throughout the course of history). 

I have a dream. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. Love thy neighbor. 

We value these statements (and so many others) and truly believe that we as individuals live them out. But are we doing this in our daily lives? 

I have a dream: Do I have hope in the future? Do I actually want every single person I know to have an equal chance at things I want (the same job promotion, the same income, the same level of popularity)? Or if I look closer at myself, do I only want this for those people in my life who I deem as worthy of receiving the same things? 

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country: What am I doing for my country? How am I serving the people of my nation? Am I one who lodges an Internet rant when the leaders of the country are doing something I disagree with, expecting the nation to do what I want? Or am I striving to do things to make my community a better place? Am I asking what I can do for the people of my country? 

Love thy neighbor: Do I truly love the person I work with or do I give a blank stare every time they say something that I think is stupid? Do I harbor resentment or do I strive to see what God sees (good and bad)? I am able to love my husband, family and close friends- with both their good and bad traits, because I know I have good and bad traits as well. But beyond that, can I honestly say I love each person, each neighbor in my life? 

We like to think that these statements rule our lives- as Americans, as Christian, as progressive people. But are these evident in our own lives or are they just statements we believe that we live by? Just because we don't think we are racist, doesn't mean we believe in social, class or other forms of equality. Just because we love our country, doesn't mean we are serving the people in it and trying to make it a better place. Just because we love most of our neighbors, doesn't mean we are showing love to everyone in our lives. 

How do we fix this? How do we humble our hearts to truly live out equality, service and love? 

Lord, show me how to live out these things more. Especially Your command to love thy neighbor, because that is where it all begins. Amen 

How Dare You Threaten Me!

How dare you threaten me!

With your thoughts so against mine,

Your words are so wrong!

Or could our thoughts be in line? 

Are you actually stating,

What I feel and fear most? 

Am I so threatened by your words,

Since I've wondered the "blasphemous?"

Am I threatened by your statement,

Because I've secretly thought the same?

Am I worried about exposure,

That you'll highlight my shame?

Is that why I am angered,

By your statement as is,

I view it as a threat,

Against my own image? 

Could it be when we are honest,

And question You Lord,

It is not blasphemy,

But a way to grow & know you more? 

The tough questions and situations,

Help me grow with others,

We expose our true selves,

Versus lying about having it all together

If You care about the lilies and birds,

And say that you care for us more,

Why are Christians in some countries,

Dying because they are starved?

Why did you say that this generation,

Would not pass away,

Before you returned,

Have we excused it away?

These questions don't cause me,

To trust or revere You less,

Perhaps You will show me the answer,

Perhaps my thoughts will remain a mess

The truth is You have proved,

Yourself o'er and o'er,

These small questions don't stop that,

Just cause me to be honest more

I want to be honest about

Faith, love and doubts,

Rather than be threatened, 

And to grow in my "what abouts" 

Confusion

Egotistical, entitled

Neurotic I suppose, 

Deserving, a calling,

A life of purpose of sorts.

Are these desires selfish?

Are they for my own good?

Is being a voice flooded

By a sea of others who would?

Am I apathetic if I stay where I am?

Will I regret not trying for more?

Or is thinking I'm called for greater,

Like the words mentioned before?

I hate apathy,

But I hate feeling entitled,

I want to live in the moment,

And not be in denial 

So direct me if I missing something,

If You have called me for more,

And not let the precious moments,

Slip away evermore