It Has Been 4 Years....

Since I've graduated from Vanguard. A lot has happened since then: I have lived in Portland & Missouri, I got married and I even received my Masters last year. I've experienced the pain of losing someone close to me & the joy of a renewed relationship. I have watched my husband as he has gone through major health & job issues. I have changed a lot. I'm not the only one that has had a great deal of change happen in my life since then.

Looking at some of the students I went to Vanguard with, I see a great change too. Everyone I knew was secretly gay has come out. Everyone who drank, did drugs or was sexually active secretly does so in full force now. Everyone I knew who was secretly doubting their faith has primarily abandoned it now.

A Christian school should not have so many of these cases- right? Here is the reason Vanguard did- secrecy.

Vanguard had a Student Conduct Committee that drew very similar parallels to that if the Salem Witch Trials. If you were breaking contract & decided to come clean, you were forced into a "care" program, forced to resign & forced to name your accomplices so you wouldn't get into further trouble. You would have to sign a contract stating you would not do it again & would be legally bound by this.

What this process taught students was to keep it a secret if they struggled with anything opposed to the VU contract. I was outspoken about my problems with this process as a student & four years later I am even more outspoken about it now.

What would it have looked like if there was no punishment, contract etc if you were gay, questioned your faith or were partying while at Vanguard? What if these issues weren't secretly sought after, but instead addressed in truth & love (vs a stigma)? What if students were not punished, but were able to openly be themselves while mentors brought & encouraged them with the truth if the Bible.

We don't force legalistic rules on people outside of our communities, so why inside? Why not say " you struggle with this- I'm not going to treat you any differently, but I am going to tell you about the truth in love. I am going to pray for you. I am going to let you be yourself & I'm going to let you make your own choice."

One of the most beautiful things about God is He doesn't force us to follow His rules- it's a choice. If these students were given a choice instead of legalism jeopardizing their stay at VU, I bet they all wouldn't be so turned off by Christianity.

God- speak to the hearts of these people. Let them know You are not legalistic. Let them know You love them as they are. Let them know You want them to be Your children- to come to you first & You will be the one who makes them clean, who will help them their struggles. Amen.

Our Daily Bread

I am so thankful to not be falling behind anymore now that Jer is working part time. We are making enough to make ends meet and I am so thankful & so much less stressed. However, it's just enough to make ends meet- we don't have enough to save for the future.

It's sometimes a little discouraging to be a young person in this economy. Our parents were able to take this time before having kids to save for another car, a house... The future in general.

But our trust needs to be in God alone. He is taking care of our needs today. In His time, He will provide Jer a full time career job. If it's His will, he will help us get another car & a house in the future. And that is very comforting.

Thank you for our life right now God & how you are taking care of us :)

The Ol Prospector

Jer and I are working on a claymation short called "The Ol Prospector." Words can't express how excited I am.

Things have slowed down a bit & I have been able to do more of the things I love (like work out, art and working on Spanish). I'm very thankful for this.... had a relaxing evening last night & I've been getting tons of sleep. I feel more like myself.

I started Big Brothers Big Sisters. It has been a wonderful experience so far. If you have ever thought of doing it, I would highly recommend it.

The Love of My Life

As each day passes by, I realize more and more how blessed I am to be married to Jer. I knew from day one that he was pretty incredible, but it's been wonderful growing up with him and really understanding how blessed I am to have a husband like him.

God has blessed him with some pretty amazing gifts and talents. His heart for young people is amazing. Even though he hasn't been working in his career this year, he has done an incredible job at staying upbeat, trusting God and serving Him in other ways.

He always brings joy and laughter into my life. We can have deep theological discussion or make jr high jokes. He is so sweet, kind and compassionate. I love you sweet husband- Happy Valentines Day!

Telling It Like It Is

So it's been a little while since my last blog. We have had an exciting past couple of weeks. For about two and half weeks he had two Chinese university students stay with us. They came to America through a program in our church to help them with their English-speaking skills, but also to learn more about American culture. Our place is a bit small to have two people at our house for that long, but it was so much fun and it was such a blessing to be able to minister to them. A co- worker even had two Chinese Bibles we gave them.

This Tuesday we had Bible study. There is a man in our Bible study who is in his 70s and is a very committed Christian. As I have gotten to know him, he has really spoken into both Jerry and my life. Two weeks ago, he had some insight on why he thinks post traumatic stress disorder happens. He said in his day they never made soldiers go on six or seven tours like they are now- a person can't handle that much. This week he had a very insightful comment as we were talking about reaching out to people. He candidly and honestly shared that he still deals with the sin of being prejudice. He said just when he thinks God has helped him with it, he might judge a Muslim or an interracial couple before knowing them.

It truly moves me when people are that honest. And it spoke deeply to me- we all have our prejudices... I may not be prone to judging Muslims, but I know I judge a lot of people I think are cultural Christians before getting to know them. His honesty really spoke to me about giving that sin up to God. Sometimes we never know what letting our guards down can do. I was truly blessed by his humility.

Spiritual Warfare

To be honest, i have always viewed that term as a self centered, Christianese one. I always thought of people who said that they were going through some 'major spiritual warfare' as people who thought that their lives were much worse than they were. Often their 'spiritual warfare' was their dog dying or something like that- it didnt amount to real persecution. I blame this cynicism partially on growing up as a pastor's kid who had met a few drama queens in her day.

I have recently been convicted of this stance. It's not to say that everyone who claims spiritual warfare is right on, but rather that it does exist & that it can range in degree.

There are seasons of life and in this season, I realize that there is some spiritual warfare. As Jerry said, it is humbling to experience it.

C.S. Lewis once said “God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain”

This serves as an important reminder... if we are facing spiritual warfare, we should aim to do so in a way blameless before the Lord. This isn't to say that we need to be perfect but that we should strive to honor Him through the process. A valuable lesson for me

Wuthering Heights

Just started reading Wuthering Heights on my iPhone. It's not as bad as I thought it would be thus far. It's a book I have always avoided, but knew that one day I would have to read it. I can thank my book club for that :)

I am trying to incorporate reading, music, photography, writing, language and art into my weekly routine. It's much more tempting to play sudoko after the gym, but I know in the long run I will thank myself for incorporating the arts into my weekly routine.

God continues to work through my husband to help me with my anxiety. It really only comes out when multiple stressful situations emerge, but I don't like letting anxiety rule even a small part of my life. Lord, let me give all of this to you. Amen.