32 more days

But who is counting?

I suck at blogging as of recently. I have been super busy with things (which I guess seems about right a few weeks before my wedding). But I love reading my friends blogs and knowing what is going on in their lives. I guess I will just have to wait till I get back in a normal schedule to be at my blogging best (that could be August).

I love the song Christmas TV by Slow Club. Jerry introduced it to me. It reminds me a lot of us and makes me miss him so much it hurts. But with my masochist tendencies, I have been listening to it on repeat.

Packing all this week. Weird....it is here. I will be in So Cal on Saturday. I know God will continue to take care of me financially, but I am still stressed to be honest. I also hope I keep up a normal exercise routine when I am down there. I know it is going to be crazy, but I want to be in shape for the wedding, you know? The frickin pill.

I'm seriously so over being hurt and hurting for the ones I love. God please bring healing and reconciliation. I can't handle this anymore. I am tired of the way I ache. You know how much I can handle.

meh

I haven't posted anything in awhile. I am neurotic and love number points, so here is what has been on my mind:

1. I had my last day of work. That job really helped me develop as a whole person. I learned a lot, especially what hard work is. I had to wake up early and take the bus to and fro for most of it. I have a whole new respect for the average blue collar worker now. Though I am still working for Open Doors part time, I barely have any money now. I have been stressed about finances. I have credit card, rent and loans to pay and hate being in debt. Jerry is really good at having the whole faith thing. I suck at it. Even though God has come through every single time, I still doubt....even when I know it will all be good in a couple months. Why? Lord help me to have faith that moves mountains, for I know that you care for me. Forgive me for doubting.

2. I have a little over 2 weeks left up here in Oregon. I will also go to Indianapolis in that time...which is super sweet. I am going for a work conference. I have been looking up cool things to do there. I love traveling. After that, I will head back down to So Cal. I am really looking forward to the few weeks I have down there before the wedding. I will be staying with relatives and friends. I am really looking forward to being with my sister though. I have missed her a lot. I am really looking forward to our adventures of old....dollar ice cream at rite aid, dollar theatre, borders. I can’t wait!!!! Anywho, this year has been phenomenal. God has taught me so much....really feels like it was a time of preparation....

3. Which leads me to my next point. This has felt like a prep time. God has plugged me into an amazing church, has allowed me time to study his word and form a biblically based worldview on subjects that we deal with in today's society. I have felt a calling on my life since I was young, a calling to do great things for the Lord. I don’t know what it looks like....but I don’t want to miss it. He has done a lot to prepare me and I am ready for whatever it is. I have talked with Cor and Jer about this and have had this confirmed. What is it though God? I am ready (I think)

4. I am a broken person. I am continually hurt by some very close people in my life. Every time that I think the wound has been healed, it is ripped open, stabbed multiple times and left with gore all over the place. I hate that it happens to me....but I hate even more that it happens to my sister. I wish things could be reconciled. I wish that the love that was once present could return. I wish that I wasn't treated as an outcast, as a horrible person. I wish that we could be together again. I wish these things and God knows the desires of my heart. He can do anything. I trust and believe in Him. I praise him for the support He has blessed me with, with relatives and close friends. He is good.

5. Next year will be amazing. Marrying an amazing man of God, my best friend. I get to fall asleep in his arms every night. I get to snuggle up with him on our couch, in our apartment to watch a movie. I get to work at an AMAZING job with him next year. The Lord is an amazing provider and has blessed me so.

Person of the Week-Week 15

Brian Burhenn

He is a dear friend and a cynical one too :) I am very thankful for Brian. If there is one word for Brian it is loyal....loyal to his friends, country, marines and the Republican party :) (I hope he reads this) Heres to you Brian!

Person of the Week-Week 14

Jerry's Family

I know it is supposed to be "Person of the Week" but I had to do a shout out to Jer's fam. They are selfless people full of love and have been so accepting. They are wonderful examples of who Christ is. I am so blessed to be apart of this family in 66 days :) Here's to you Fuentes Family!!!

Sorry I miss a couple weeks. Things have been busy :)

Sorry I have been away for a bit

I was in So cal for Spring Break. Jer and I got our marriage licence, did some pre marital counceling with Bill, had some meetings with Open Doors and got to see family and friends. It was a nice and much needed break :)

I was officially offered the G.A. position at North West State Missouri University. I get to work in res life and activities planning, while getting free housing, food and school. And its only part time, so I get to keep working for Open Doors part time too :)

God is good. He continues to do amazing things for us. I am so undeserving.

Person of the Week- Week 13

Katie Froberg

This week's person of the week goes to my dear roommate Katie. Katie is always faithful to put others before herself (offering rides, venting sessions etc). She is the life of the party and always makes me laugh. You can bet that you will be entertained for hours when you are around her. She has a heart for helping the voiceless and is so passionate. Here's to you Katie Froberg!!!

Dang

So...

• God has done a mighty work with my relatives. I have all of their support! Amazing. I still cant believe it. I now have faith He can complete this good work because...

• This morning in church Pastor Jess was praying and he said that God wanted to heal us of physical, emotional and relational pain. My mind went to my back (which has felt like I have had a pinched nerve for the past week) and to my family. I then kind of dismissed my back thing and kept praying. Then Pastor Jess said....God wants to heal someone's back....the moment he said that I felt immediate relief. I thought that word would have been for someone else, not me....my pain seemed insignificant. I leaned over to Corri, Carrie and Amos and told them. They told me to tell Pastor Jess that after the sermon...I did and he thanked me and told me he loved hearing that because it gave him courage to speak up when God gives him something again (I love how vulnerable he is). When God healed my back he brought to mind right away what my grandpa had said "My God healed my eyes...he can heal anything, especially relationships". I felt God healing my back today, though my pain seemed insignificant was a reminder that He can do anything and cares about all my worries. I have complete faith great things are still to come before June 12th

• I judge people. Its really bad.....I like to call it realism or discernment....but its really judging. There is this guy who leads worship who can be kind of showy and I get annoyed. God put it on my heart that this person's sin might be more outward than mine, but that I am just as guilty....with my inward sin that may not be apparent to the whole world. It was a kick in the butt...realizing I was having a horrible heart while pretending to worship my God.....so now I need to work on this.

• Went to St. Paddy's Day festival in the City....amazing!!! Had a Guinness and bangers sandwich, saw Irish dancers and a few Irish bands. So fun!!

• My best friend threw Corri and I a bridal shower.....so much fun!!!! We went to this classy fondue place and played fun games and got gifts. Most of you know that I love embarrassing people, especially when it comes to honeymoon things.....the thing is I can dish it but I cant take it. I was turning bright red as I was opening up lingerie gifts.....so embarrassing. Fun nonetheless :)