I have had a lot of forced time to wait and think this year (mainly walking and waiting for the bus for at least a total for 2 hours everyday). It is crazy the places your mind wanders, or the memories that are stirred up.
For example, as I was hearing people talk over their Thanksgiving plans, it brought me back to Thanksgiving growing up. We would have cinnamon rolls in the morning, as we watched the parade. Then, we would head over to the church barn (an old golf cart barn) and have a Thanksgiving feast with the church. Everyone would bring some sort of dish and we would dine together (which was nice since many of our relatives were on the mainland).
I find myself getting sad sometimes, sad that things are not the way they once were. Instead of knowing what a wonderful Thanksgiving I am going to have with loved ones, I am not sure what it will look like. I am sad at how much people and situations have changed. Usually I do just fine with change, but I think when negative change out of my control is at hand, it is very difficult for me.
So I cling to the happy times of old and look to the future for happy times to come. I know that things will never be as they were, so I find joy in the memories. I decided that every random memory that comes to mind, I am going to write down. I know there are a lot of good ones stowed in my memory.
I am so looking forward to the future; I am marrying an amazing man. For some reason, last night I was looking at some of his old blog postings. His blogs are so honest and heart felt. He always has a heart of thankfulness and praise to God. He has inspired me to grow in my walk so much so. He is a leader by quiet example. Sometimes I feel so inadequate to be with such a man. I am decayed with imperfection, I say and do things I shouldn't, but he loves me despite and encourages me to improve in a loving manner. What a wonderful living example of Christ he is! When I miss the things of the pass, I look to the glorious future God has given me. I am so undeserving.